U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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