my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
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