I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He better not be in your backpack
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You pole danced in your parka.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
