Pants 0. Shit 1.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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