i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
