cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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