barbara walters just said penis...
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize
