You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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