every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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