sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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