Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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