so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize