who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize