People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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