this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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