there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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