I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You are the jesus of drinking
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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