so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
