Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
