If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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