she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize