Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
