I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
