Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
