My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
