it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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