Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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