When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
