Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
