Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
