don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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