i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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