Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
