my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
