a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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