you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Randomize
