All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
