My room smells like vodka and shame
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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