Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
