..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
