No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
