Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
