you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
