girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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