First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
