***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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