I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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