i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
