Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
