i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
