I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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