I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
we made out on top of his cat.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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