ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize