would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
