i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
My life is pants optional.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
