ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
