i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
