I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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