I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
