oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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