mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
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