i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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