Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
