it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
