i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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