your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
