how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
