so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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