I just made out with a guy for $7.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
