K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
that may or may not have been my penis.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
