He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
