Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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