This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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