im drinking this country out of the recession.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
